Middle School Students and Parents

Dear Middle School Students and Parents,

Dealing with loss can create a range of emotions and is difficult for preadolescents and parents alike.

Below I have outlined common reactions to grief and coping strategies that many have found to be helpful. As a compassionate community, I know that you will support one another during this trying time. If you would like additional support, please feel free to contact me via e-mail at lauren.keller@ssfs.org or via phone at 301-774-7455 ext. 175. I will be checking both e-mail and voicemail during Spring Break.

My thoughts are with you,

Lauren Keller

Middle School Counselor

Students

It is important to understand that how people deal with grief varies. However, there are a number of common reactions and feelings following a loss. Some of these include:

• Sadness, including crying more easily or wanting to cry
• Anger
• Fear
• Guilt because you are OK and others are not
• Trouble falling or staying asleep, nightmares
• Changes in appetite
• Difficulty concentrating
• Feelings of helplessness
• Desiring to be alone more often, OR not wanting to be alone at all
• Increased moodiness and irritability
• Sensation of being numb, not feeling anything at the moment
• Sudden changes in feeling or mood
• Physical reactions such as stomachaches or headaches

These are all normal feelings. These feelings may go away for a while and return later if something reminds you of the tragedy. That is to be expected. Don’t be surprised by your feelings because dealing with grief is difficult and causes strong emotions.

Adults

· Encourage children to ask questions about loss and death. Adults do not need to have all the answers. 

· Treat questions with respect and a willingness to help the child find his or her own answers.

· Allow opportunities to talk about the situation. Listen closely to feelings and concerns.

· Reassure children and adolescents that their emotional responses are the normal responses to an abnormal situation.

· Look for delayed reactions, your child may seem unaffected for days and then suddenly be overcome with feelings.

· Remind students of strategies they have used in the past to help them through difficult times. List the strategies and encourage the frequent use them.

· Talk about how students can support one another.

· Remind children and adolescents that grieving is a process, not an event: We all grieve in different ways and there is no one "correct" way for people to move through the grieving process.

· Give your children the opportunity to engage in normal activities, to have the space not to focus on the loss.

· Be aware of your own need to grieve:  Focusing on the children in your care is important and so are your own emotional needs.

Healing Process

There are many things you can do to begin healing. Try one, many or all of the following:

· Talk about your feelings with someone you trust. Talking makes it easier to sort through what happened and deal with the pain.

· Ask for help when you need it

· Listen to others

· Spend time with your family

· Participate in an activity you enjoy

· Keep a journal about your feelings

Helpful Web Sites:

www.nmha.org

www.nasponline.org

www.kidshealth.org

Compiled by Lauren Keller, Middle School Counselor with references from the American Red Cross and The Montgomery County School System. Updated March 2006